What’s “Up Chuck”?

It’s become inevitable that I announce a hiatus from blogging.  There comes a time in the life of many good bloggers when events, both personal and professional, convene to limit the amount of time that can be devoted to the endeavor.  In other words, there’s just way too much going on right now and I’m tired of feeling guilty about blog neglect.  I’m hoping things will settle down after a month or two.  I’ll definitely keep ya posted.  I’ll also keep visiting your blogs as time allows.  I’ve got about 75 of you set up on my Bloglines account and I’ll check in with you.  Please don’t entirely give up on me.  I’ll return when I can.

Is it just me or does this chick look a little young? I don’t know, but I sure am craving some Lucky Charms all of a sudden!
Happy Saint Patrick’s Day y’all! I hope you all get to party hard, drink some green beer, eat some corn beef and have sex with a leprechaun. I intend to try my best to do all four, but I’ll be out of town once again, only this time I’ll be in Mississippi. But I still plan on enjoying me some SPD fun. And don’t doubt for a minute that I’ll have trouble finding it! Remember when I posted this picture in honor of the holiday? Can’t believe that was two years ago! Oh well…have a good week everyone. I’ll be gone till mid week and I’ll try to get back with you all then.

Oh yeah, before I go….did anyone get to celebrate Steak and a Blow Job Day yesterday? If you did be sure to tell me all about it. In case you’re wondering I had steak. Yep, just steak and I grilled it myself…

Well here I sit. In a hotel suite, snug as a bug in a rug. It’s chilly in here. Only because I have the a/c turned down to 55. The temp outside is 65. I’ve been out drinking tonight. Went to the local Ruby Tuesday and made a couple new friends. More about that later. For now I’ll give you all an update as to what all has been going on in my life recently. I’m quite buzzed. Shall I use the familiar bullet point method? Yes, I think I shall…

• Had strep throat and was sick as a dog for three days early last week. All better now. Thank you for all your well wish related comments and emails.
• My dog Trooper had to have surgery. He had a stone in his bladder. It cost $685.00 to get fixed (including meds, hospital stay, lab tests, new food, etc). I asked how much it would cost to put him to sleep. My wife wasn’t pleased with that question.
• Friday I’ll be getting my annual bonus. It’ll be a LOT of money. We’ve already got it all spent. Paying off some debt/HD plasma TVs and treadmills.
• With all the car travel I’ve been doing lately, and since none of y’all offered to call and talk to me while I was driving, I’ve re-discovered books on CD. Week before last I listened to The Book of the Dead, by Patricia Cornwell. Now I’m listening to The Other Boleyn Girl.
• I haven’t had sexual relations, with another person, in three weeks. I’m beginning to wonder if I should, once again, find myself a girlfriend. It’s been a while since I’ve done so, but I’ve just got too much loving to keep to myself. It’s just not fair if I don’t spread a little around. The sad thing about it all is, if I were to get me a girlfriend I doubt my wife would even care.  Then again I could be viewing this all through Jim Beam colored glasses.
• I painted the master bathroom this past weekend. It’s still a work in process. I hate painting, by the way.
• I was so glad that Danny Noriega was kicked off American Idol last week. My 14 year old daughter thought he was the best and actually cried when he was booted. The scary thing is, she and him have the same haircut.
• Sunday night, in a fit of hunger induced insanity, I ate 14 of those pizza bagel bite things that I had bought for the kid’s snacks. This morning my irritable bowl syndrome was quite vocal in it’s displeasure of my abuse.
• I continue to sit, night after night, watching Big Brother After Dark on Showtime. I’m also occasionally watching the live feeds on Realnetwork. It’s so damn addicting. Tonight I’m in a hotel with only HBO. Guess it’ll be the live feeds for me.
• I have a new company automobile. A 2008 Ford Taurus. It’s black. Why I picked a black car that shows dirt so bad I’ll never know.
• Congrats to the University of Tennessee BasketVols. Both Men and Women. What an awesome season! Now let’s go bring home a couple National Championships!

I’ll end the bullet points for now. Believe me, I could go on and on. But I thought I’d stop here and go back to talking about my night at the bar at Ruby Tuesday. As often happens when I’m out of town I tend to make friends at the bars and restaurants I frequent. Tonight was no different. The town I’m in is host to a major Army flight facility. There were several members of various countries military present. I noticed German, British, Canadian, and Saudi in the house. I’m told they all come here for training.

First I met Bird. Yes, that was his real name, or so he said. He had come by for a drink, or six, because his Lab had been attacked by a vicious Pit bull. The poor dog was in the hospital with his throat ripped out, but Bird was belly up to the bar anyway. We talked about dogs, small towns, cocaine and midgets. Yep, he informed me that his wife’s family was full of midgets, although his wife was not one of them. He said he was pretty sure, if they were to have a baby, it would be a little person. Of course my interest in midgets was piqued, especially when he told me that three of his female cousin’s in-law were midget strippers. I asked if any of them were escorts and he said he’d check and let me know tomorrow night.

Bird was on my left, but Theresa was on my right. She was a big girl, and by big I don’t mean fat but like over six feet tall. She was tall and as dark as a Hershey Select Candy bar. She had these huge titties which, when she swung around in my direction, would smack me in the shoulder. I asked her if she had played basketball and she told me with a wink that she loves playing with all kinds of balls. She then placed her left hand, and it was a big one, on my right thigh. I squirmed in my seat as her long brown finger trailed it’s way up my thigh and began to stroke the bulge in the crotch of my pants. Unfortunately that bulge wasn’t growing and it frightened me to think what Theresa might do to me if she realized her “advancements” weren’t working. I quickly excused myself to the restroom and when I got back I found her interest had turned to the two Saudi military personnel at the other end of the bar.

Yes folks it was an exciting night, let me tell ya. There is so much more to tell, but right now I’m about to pass out. It’s around 11pm and I’ve been hard at it since 6:20 this morning. I’ve got a big day of work tomorrow, then another night with my new “friends” at the bar. I’ll let y’all know how it turns out.

I’ll leave you with this picture. The other night I slung my socks onto the head of my sweet Trooper. His look, once I found my camera, was not one of enthusiasm.

Traveling today for work.  I intend to post tonight from the hotel room.  If not tonight, then definitely tomorrow.  Got a lot of catching up to do.

chicken soup.
I’m sick as a dog. I’m stressed out and, when I’m not puking and running a 103 temp, I’m working my ass off. It’s been a rough five or six days ladies and gentlemen with being out of town, and then today I wake up with this damn flu. Y’all bear with me. I’ll be back to my “less than regular” posting soon. Meanwhile I’ll be reading all of y’all when I can.

Good Lord have Mercy!  I’m one worn out MoFo.  This has been a long ass week and it’s only going to continue again starting Monday.  I’ll be gone next week through Thursday so I’m going to enjoy this weekend and spend some time unwinding.

In case you want to update your Chuck itinerary, here’s my agenda for next week:  Monday and Tuesday I’ll be in Ft. Walton Bch, Florida.  Wednesday morning I’ve got a meeting in Mobile, then another in Pensacola, then back to Mobile where I’ll be spending the night.  Thursday I have a morning meeting there, then I get to head home arriving by dinner time.

So, who wants to entertain me while I’m spending all that windshield time in the car next Monday and Thursday?  I’m sure there are at least a couple of y’all who’d love to listen to me spout my boringness via the phone.  If so shoot me an email and give me your number and a good time when you can parley.  Sounds fun, doesn’t it?  Yeah….right.

Y’all have a GREAT weekend!

So, have y’all been watching Big Brother 9? I have, but I’m not sure what it is about it that’s grabbed my attention so. Perhaps it could be that this is the horniest group of house guests they’ve had in like forever. So far in less than a week of them being in the house there’s been sexual intercourse twice, blow jobs, hand jobs, stripping, two girl showers, full blown nudity, erotic massages, multiple naked people in the hot tub and taint slappin’. Of course you have to subscribe to the live feeds or frequent the various Big Brother websites if you want to see it. Unfortunately they don’t show the good stuff on the CBS broadcasts. You can click here to check out some of the pic and vids if you’d like. It’s updated regularly, so keep checking back! Here are even more videos.

I’m leaving today to go out of town for a couple days. Going to be in Huntsville, Alabama. I’m thinking about checking this place out while I’m there. What do y’all think? Why don’t you take the time and help me pick out an attendant for my “spa treatment”.

Before I begin with todays drivel I want to remind y’all about me and Slick’s wonderfully informative Q&A site, Givin’ It To Ya Straight.  We don’t do this because we want to people, we do this as a service to you all.  Especially you ladies who are so misguided as to the inner workings of us men.  To date we’ve got like 22 of your questions answered and we’re needing more.  Don’t be afraid.  Remember, there are no stupid questions…just (in me and Slick’s case) stupid answers!

My God what a week.  I haven’t looked forward to a weekend so much in a long time.  I have literally worked my ass off this week.  Seriously, I have no ass.  It’s a good thing my colonoscopy was last Friday and not this one. I plan on doing a lot of nothing this weekend.  Eating, drinking, watching movies and listening to it rain.

Valentine’s Day at my house was pretty good.  The evening culminated with the usual V-Day romp in the sheets.  You remember my mention of my bright yellow man juice from the last post?  Well it was quite the hit!  Once we were done we had to turn on the lights so we could check it out.  I tell you what, I thought looking down after sex and finding blood everywhere was pretty freaky.  Period blood ain’t got nothing on florescent, antibiotic inspired, spermage.  I was so wanting to take a picture of the golden cream pie to share here with y’all but alas, she wouldn’t let me.  So sorry to disappoint.

Is it just me or does Rachel Ray look better these days?  It looks like she’s put on a little weight.  She seems a little thicker in the hips and I like it!  All she needs is a C or low D cup and she’d be perfect!  I’m thinking she’s moving above Paula Deen on my hottest “cooking food on tv” chick list.

Y’all have a great weekend!!!

Boy oh boy! It’s good to be pain free for a change. Things are much better for Chuck and his esophagus and colon, thank you very much. I realize I’ve filled a lot of blog space lately with my bitching and moaning. I’m sorry about that. There’s nothing worse than someone who is always boo hooing about feeling crappy. Lord, I’ve been starting to sound like my ex wife! Can’t have that, now can we?

This week has been a bitch so far. I’ve been working non stop yesterday and Monday. It ain’t looking much better for the rest of the week. Then next week I begin my “food show season” with the first show being in beautiful Huntsville, Alabama. Week after next I’ll be down in Ft. Walton Beach, Florida for another one. If you’ve been reading my blog for a year or so then you know how much I just love working food shows. Yes, that’s sarcasm in case you weren’t sure.

Since I don’t have a lot of time to put some deep philosophical thoughts down in todays post, I thought I’d do another bullet point list. It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these. So, without further adieu here are a few things that have been going on or been on my mind lately:

• One of the pills I’m taking for the GERD and/or IBS is making my pee totally florescent yellow. I’m talking way bright yellow y’all. Well I discovered last night that it’s also having the same effect on my man chowder. Wow, what a shock that it was to find my baby batter was practically glowing in the dark. It was quite unsettling.
• I’m a Big Brother junky so you can imagine my excitement to watch the first ever winter season premier last night. Interesting twist with the whole pairing people up thing. I think I’m going to enjoy it!
• I’ve gotten hooked on the reality show Jon and Kate Plus 8. Do you know this show? This couple have two sets of multiples. Twins and sextuplets. It’s crazy!
• Sometimes I really wish Susan and I would have a baby, but it scares me to think what kind of kid my yellow spooge would produce. Probably some kind of Simpson’s looking character no doubt.
• How about the mighty BasketVols of Tennessee? The Lady Vols are ranked #1 and the men are currently #4. Little known fact about me, once football season is done I get into college hoops. By the way, there is only 198 days till college football season!!
• The Writer’s Strike is now over. Bout time! Now go get your writer asses in gear and put out some of my favorite shows.
• I’m having a tough time getting into American Idol this year. I’m thinking it’s just about run it’s course with my interest. Tis sad, really.
• I’m looking forward to the extra $1800 the government is going to be giving me this year thanks to the federal tax rebate. Wasn’t that a nice surprise? Now it seems the democrat lawmakers in my state are trying to figure a way to collect a state tax on the rebate. Just wonderful…
• I know I haven’t been much of a responder to comments lately. I appreciate all your comments. Please don’t take offense if I don’t respond back. I do read them and cherish them in my heart! I’d rather spend the limited time I have in the blogosphere reading and commenting on the posts y’all are writing.
• I’ve neglected my manscaping duties for a couple months now. Yep, it’s a sad situation. My man bush has totally gotten out of hand.
• Beehive hairdos have really been turning me on lately. I’m not sure if it’s Marge Simpson or Amy Winehouse who’s doing it for me more.

Okay, that’s enough bullet point BS for one post. Guess I better get my ass back in the work mode. I’m busy, busy!! Y’all have a Happy Valentine’s Day tomorrow. I hope you get you some loving!

Wow! Thank y’all for all the great comments, emails, texts and phone calls. It sho did make me feel loved….or at least greatly liked!

So, here’s the results: They found that I have Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD) and Irritable Bowel Syndrome. They found a few ulcers in the lining of my esophagus and they took three biopsies. I should have the results of those in 7 to 10 days. They found no polyps or tumors in the intestines, so that’s good. They’ve got me on Pamine Forte, Nexium and Alinia and I get to go back in 8 weeks and have another “down the throat” exam. Yay…

I know many of you have been through the whole colonoscopy thing so you know what a pain in the ass the whole “cleaning you out” routine is. I had one hell of a rough evening last night. Plus it was a whole 45 hours without eating any solid food. Boy howdy I sure did wolf me some grub down this evening and guess what? Ten minutes ago I took a dump….a regular dump. No squirts and no pain. Ah, it was great. Praise the Lord and pass the toilet paper!

Again, thank you all for showing such concern! Have a great weekend!